I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
