yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
