My liver just broke up with me...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
