He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
