I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
