I faked an abortion last night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
