Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
