Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
