My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
