How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
