God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
