Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
