Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
