hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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