he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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