I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Never let your siblings swipe right.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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