then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
