u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
