I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
