dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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