I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
