omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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