Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
