Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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