I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
