One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
