See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
