Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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