just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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