so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
