No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
