The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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