I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
