I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
