Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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