Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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