Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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