What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
