On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
