my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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