dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
