can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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