True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
