Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
