You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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