im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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