I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
