I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
