the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
