I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
