I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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