nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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