I just saw a hot homeless man
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
