I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
