You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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